[overheard in my son’s room]
His friend: You’re Greek. Do Greeks have a 4th of July?
My son: Yes. We also have a 3rd and 5th of July.
Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don’t need to keep informing us. We know.
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Baby, I would run into a burning building from you.
ME: we need to take actionable steps to combat climate change
ME: *after two glasses of wine* i will do it. i will fight the freaking sun
I just won $50 on a scratch off! Guess y’all know who’s splurging on the whole cashews next grocery trip.
Thanks for the clarification, Dad.
ME: Avenge my death
CO-WORKER: That’s just a paper cut
ME: [coughs, grabs his collar] DON’T YOU NORMALIZE THIS
“this corrupt city needs a hard rain. a hard penetrating rain for a dirty city. a thrusting rain. god so deep” – from my novel Sex Rain
You can learn a lot about a person if you install a camera in their bedroom.
These aren’t even hard anymore.
My son, frantically calling and texting, as if life depended upon it.
He’s brokered world peace?
Severed a limb?
Celebrating an international business deal?
How does one make tacos.