@HeroineAddict

Hey, people who use crystals or all-natural products instead of deodorant: You don’t need to keep informing us. We know.

You Might Also Like

@galiamango

Can’t speak for all women but generally I’ll just keep nagging until you agree with me, sometimes even after that. You know, for sport.

@VerifiedDrunk

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you’re gay….

@stevevsninjas

inventor of the leaf blower: what if we just yelled at leaves until they moved?

@lakeanagirl

I knew my wife was having a bad day when she put her tampon behind her ear and couldn’t find her cigarette.

@Mike__Lee

I’m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they’ve won the Canadian lottery.

@QwertyJones3

Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you’re making me pitch a tent.

@GreyDeLisle

“I’m so tired of that little piece of cheese.”
-My gramma, talking about SpongeBob

@dafloydsta

[boarding plane]
ME: Shotgun!
COPILOT: Can he do that?
PILOT: Looks like you’re in economy today, Ted.
COPILOT: *clenching fists* Damnit.

@hythemafia

Knock knock

“Who’s there?”

“Dejav”

“Dejav who?”

Knock knock