My boss asked me why I’m late, apparently answering “because your wife wouldn’t let me get out of bed” just gets you sent to HR.
HEY! WE DON’T THROW DIRTY UNDERWEAR AT OUR SISTERS OR STAB PEOPLE WITH KNIVES
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Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it’s best to just kill yourself.
In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.
BUT YOU SAID IF I WANTED TO BE YOUR LOVER, I HAD TO GET WITH YOUR FRIENDS!
Me: Ping me when you are free.
Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*
Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself.
Me: I’m very attracted to you right now.
a black mirror episode where u text someone and they screenshot it for 27.9m ppl
If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she’d show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour.
Girls quote Marilyn Monroe relationship and life advice so much its almost like she wasn’t a three time divorced, drug-addicted alcoholic.
If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you’re intrested and afraid to talk to girls.