@FrogAvalanche

Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls.

Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick?

Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure.

You Might Also Like

@man_spach

Starting to fear that all the urgent work emails I LOL’d at and deleted earlier were not actually April Fools’ jokes.

@TheTweetOfGod

THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!!

1. End
2. Of
3. Year
4. Top
5. Ten
6. Lists
7. Are
8. Exercises
9. In
10. Stupidity

@junejuly12

*adds another woman to the stick figure family decals on this car window*

And now we wait.

@TEXASVETERAN

I got out of bed this morning and decided it was time to turn it around. So, I did a 180 and went back to bed.

@vxlk

All dates are ‘blind dates.’

The biological structure of fruit plants do not allow eye growth, therefore rendering them incapable of sight.

@BuckyIsotope

I’ll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: “of course you’re supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot.”

@Breadery

Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you’ve got a good throwing arm.

@PimpleEye

You know what I love about people who buy followers?

I can laugh at their expense.

@danjan13

Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat