@robfee: Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
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@lisaxy424: Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home
@InternetHippo: [boss hands me some work] ME: Oh no thank you
@SkinnerSteven: Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?
@ben_rosen: ME WATCHING SUCCESSION S01E01: so i guess these guys do business or something? ME WATCHING SUCCESSION S02E10: roman’s bid to secure private funding would have won the proxy war but ultimately the capital wasn’t reliable enough to prevent the firm from h
@AndyAsAdjective: Tried to spoon my wife & she throat punched me She said "Sorry I was dreaming of my judo class" But she doesn't take judo Plus she was awake
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