guy I just met: ‘it’s nice to meet you’
me: ‘I’m tired of your lies’
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
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On behalf of black people, I’d like to apologize for Nicki Minaj
No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.
When I’m in a room full of toddlers, I can’t help but scan it for potential serial killers
For when Tinder doesn’t work
I’m not really a ‘walk of shame’ kind of girl. Im more of a ‘put it back in my nightstand drawer when I’m finished & roll over’ kind of girl
Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head?
Adults: Why are you teenagers so depressed and angry?
Teenagers: Well you see, you’re leaving us with a completely unlivable planet, the Amazon and the whole world is on fire, the climate crisis looms over our lives, we’re overworked and–
Adults: ITS THE PHONES
me when I get my period: why am I eating & crying so much? is my depression worsening? What if im dying??? Omg im dying this is how I die. I die soon.
me later that night: dude ur not dying this is literally what ur period is. every single time.
why am I eating & cr
Only 1890’s kids will get this