@robfee

Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.

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@bombsydoll

guy I just met: ‘it’s nice to meet you’
me: ‘I’m tired of your lies’

@treywafer

On behalf of black people, I’d like to apologize for Nicki Minaj

@cravin4

No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.

@Token_Geezer

When I’m in a room full of toddlers, I can’t help but scan it for potential serial killers

@Book_Krazy

I’m not really a ‘walk of shame’ kind of girl. Im more of a ‘put it back in my nightstand drawer when I’m finished & roll over’ kind of girl

@Tommytoughstuff

Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head?

@Jamie_Margolin

Adults: Why are you teenagers so depressed and angry?

Teenagers: Well you see, you’re leaving us with a completely unlivable planet, the Amazon and the whole world is on fire, the climate crisis looms over our lives, we’re overworked and–

Adults: ITS THE PHONES

@hellolanemoore

me when I get my period: why am I eating & crying so much? is my depression worsening? What if im dying??? Omg im dying this is how I die. I die soon.
me later that night: dude ur not dying this is literally what ur period is. every single time.
*next period*
why am I eating & cr