@skickwriter

Hi, I’m Suki. And I just turned the volume down because it was getting too cold in my car.

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@juliussharpe

Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair… the warm pavement on your face…

@wickedsuga

Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.

@Marcmywords2

Hey dad, the hospital called, patients
are trying to rest, could you please turn
down your television.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Is it “butt” naked or “buck” naked? Either way, this dentist appointment is making me very uncomfortable.

@TheTobbie

Is it racist that I’ve been talking to this one white chick on my street for months now & just realized she’s actually 5 white chicks?…

@HenpeckedHal

me: wow, first you drew me a bath, now breakfast?

wife: you deserve this

me: and the toaster is steady on the edge of the tub like that?

wife: we’ll find out

@chudneyspears

Just got a paper cut on my webbing so you guys go ahead without me. It’s been fun.

@aplethoras

me: why do i feel terrible
brain: coffee is not a food group
brain: eat a vegetable
brain: sleep
me: guess we’ll never know
brain: oh my god