I don’t care if you have a thousand pens at home already, when someone offers you a pen YOU TAKE THAT PEN
Hi, I’m Suki. And I just turned the volume down because it was getting too cold in my car.
You Might Also Like
MARY: Well, I just had a baby… in a barn. So, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. The gold, the perfumes. All things babies love.
Also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face.
This…this was great.
Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.
am i a vampire? i :
– look great in black
– won’t come to your home unless formally invited
– avoid natural sunlight at all costs
– will die if stabbed through the heart with a stake
Yes liquor stores are essential businesses, today it was essential that I get port to go with my cigars.
I went on a walk today through a hiking trail. And I can’t be certain, but I think nature touched me. It was gross.
Your metabolism after age 40 is like, “Nah, I like you fat.”
Boss: What could you bring to this company?
Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.
I was gonna post a picture of my breakfast but I can’t get the gummy bears to sit up straight.
Hubby asked me to role play sexy maid but was sold out
*Dressed up like David Spade from Tommy Boy
“HOUSEKEEPING, YOU WANT ME FLUFF PILLOW”