Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died?
Me: Damnit Facebook not now.
FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.
HI MOM. YOU’RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won.
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kkkk (too many)
kkk (too racist)
kk (looks like a typo)
k (that’ll work)
Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting “k”
Improve a famous quote by adding or replacing a word with tacos.
Only a life lived for tacos is a life worthwhile. — Albert Einstein
Homophobia is stupid. Who the hell is afraid of homes.
Allergies right now are life’s way of playing “PSYCH”.
[during a huddle in a crucial ice hockey match]
ME: Ok listen up guys
[all the other players look at me]
ME: Is….is anyone else cold?
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What’ll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job.
Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.
The French cow says MEUX…
“Hey can you take our picture?”
ME: yea sure
ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on
THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*