all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it’s gone
Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?
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Wife: whats that?
Son: I painted a picture of a cat
Wife: it’s very good
Me: if it was very good you wouldn’t have needed to ask what it was
Dr: I’m sorry. we lost her
Dr: but we think she was moved to the adjacent wing of the hospital
Dr: that’s where the morgue is
My toddler just said “Knock knock, who’s there” then slapped me in the face and said “it’s me”
the discourse is thriving
I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy
how do lawyers argue without crying
? Hey there Delilah, this is dispatch please come quickly
There’s a robbery in progress
Suspect is white & in his 50s
And high on gluuue ?
wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked?
wife: What temperature?
wife: That’s the clock
Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack.