Doesn’t seem very hygienic.
Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:
1. Stay together forever
2. Break up
You Might Also Like
Me: I can’t work today.
M: My grandma died.
B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago.
-Why working for your brother is a bad idea.
“how’d your football team football today?”
those footballers footballed quite well…really good footballin’
Wife: I need you to do some things around the house this weekend
Me: I’m way ahead of you
Wife: no, like helpful things
My bologna has a first name, and a second name, and a fake name, and a sexy nickname, and exactly none of them are your business so go away.
I wonder if the earth ever looks at the 2016 election and thinks about hurling itself into the sun.
Alice: I’m late.
White Rabbit: Haha, that’s my line
White Rabbit: oh shit
The waitress said they were out of pizza but then much later I saw a pizza come out to another table. (My super villain origin story)
I work with some really great people. They’re reliable, they’re honest and they never cause any problems. I don’t fit in at all.
Vader: I’ll teach you the Death Star’s power
Leia: By blowing up my planet?
Vader: By showing you a PowerPoint presentation