i’m not in a weird mood this is who i am.
Hide all your naughty entertainment on VHS. Even if your kids find it, they will not know what to do with it.
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[interrupts history professor] THAT HAPPENED ON MY BIRTHDAY
It’s actually Dr. whatever
[War of 1812]
American: Let’s invade the British North.
Other American: Upper or Lower Canada?
One million people have DM’d me asking me to stop lying about the number of people who DM me.
Apparently when your wife asks you to get your toddler off your bed she doesn’t mean knock him off with a pillow
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.
Yeah you…Facebook parent. Your kid looks the same as it did 8 minutes ago. When you posted the other 45 pics. We get it
I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.
I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.