Why isn’t there ghost dinosaurs? They didn’t all finish their business. They didn’t know the comet was coming.
High school: rough age for some
High fiber: roughage for others
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I only had one piece of pizza at dinner tonight. One huge round piece.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you please move it out of the laundry room? I’ve had enough.
Fact: Whiskey works for some illnesses because you get the illness drunk and it stumbles out of your body.
her: hurt me
me: there’s only one season of firefly
my (38F) identical twin daughters (11F) met at summer camp and have unionized
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?!
911: Be cool
Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead
If you’re buying your pregnancy test at the dollar store it’s probably because he bought is his condoms there too.
Marty McFly had horrible parents. Sure teenage son, hang around with the weirdo scientist who lives alone and drives a windowless truck.
Sorry for the mess. My mother said pudding on a condom was important.