@SexySpainNights

Him: Are you mad?

Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing
Her: typing

Her: No, I’m fine, why?

You Might Also Like

@girlontapas

Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn’t find my membership card…

A new one was $10

A donut & coffee were $3

Guess who saved $7?

@eedrk

It takes a big man to apologize, and it takes a small man to climb into a suitcase. all sizes of men have their power

@brainwxrms

girls on tinder will say “your parents will love me but your neighbors won’t” like what are you gonna do? start mowing at 7am on a saturday??

@ThisOneSayz

Husband looking through take out bag: Did you forget my tacos?

Me spewing taco shell crumbs: Thofe baftards mufed have forgot to pack fem.

@putyoursisterd1

Me in HR: I wasn’t trying to be condescending… It’s just that the boss didn’t understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.

@WetzelGeek

“Some people say I’m an animal in the sack.” – baby kangaroo

@DrakeGatsby

“Let’s circle back”

– Lame corporate jargon
– No flair
– Boring

“Let’s do the hokey pokey and turn this thing around”

– Unconventional
– Also useful at weddings
– Decisive (shows leadership)
– That’s what it’s all about

@thatdutchperson

My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.

@SadPeruna

Sorry about your lost dog.

If you liked it, then you should’ve put a leash on it.
If you liked it, then you should’ve put a leash on it.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

[in court]
Judge: You’re the prosecutor?
Prosecutor: Yes.
Judge: So then who is this?
Me: (flips hair) I’m the prosecutest.