*gets bitten by a radioactive bear
*before developing super powers, gets eaten by radioactive bear
Him: Do you have any food in your purse?
Me: I call it my Snack pocket. My snocket.
Him: Not all words need to be-
Me: ALL OPTIONS SHOULD BE EXPLORED DO YOU WANT THIS Ziplock OF WARM BABY CARROTS OR NOT?
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“I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you and – oh sorry, wrong number.” – Liam Neeson in Mistaken
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
Maybe just don’t throw stones in any kind of house.
In any relationship, you have to accept some of your partners quirks & they must accept some of yours. Some people chew loudly. Some people snore. Some people leave the door open so a large opossum can sleep on the couch because he likes the couch & it’s too cold outside anyways.
IN THIS ECONOMY?!?
Sorry I can’t date you because I’m seeing anybody else.
I’m not necessarily saying that quinoa is repulsive, all I’m saying is that Cheetos are already prepared.
CUTE DUDE AT THE AUTO SHOP: & thats how u fix a flat tire
ME: tysm! My dad never showed me this stuff
M: *whispers* ur my dad now
Me: I just shattered the gravy boat.
911: She’ll kill you.
M: I know.
911: We never spoke.
911: Good luck
* Click *