I bet the skeletons, in my gay coworker’s closet, are having a dress up party with fabulous clothes.
Him: do you swallow
*walks away mumbling. How else do you think I eat. Idiot
You Might Also Like
Someone called me
yesterday and said,
“Hello, is this Ross”
I said ” no it’s Chandler”
And they hung up.
So much for trying to
A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings
My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I’m still eating
Childless friend: “My kid will NEVER -”
Me: [Dabs her mouth with toilet paper]
Her: What are you doing!?
Me: You just have a little bit of bullshit coming out of your mouth right now.
“They say some of history’s greatest minds could function on very little sleep” I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am
[Murderer in the middle of murdering me]
Can you put your phone down for 2 seconds while I’m murdering you I mean really
Is #GoHomeIndianMedia really trending? Can we respond with #NoPleaseYouKeepThem or #OkFineWhereElseCanWeSendThem
Dating – Do you want to share my cheesecake?
Married- Touch my cheesecake and I’ll end you.
Might start docking extra points from students who aren’t smart enough to cheat on their distance learning vocab tests.
Whoever invented brooms, good job. I love your work. Use them all the time.