Him: Flash me a smile. You’re prettier when you smile.

I seductively part my lips to reveal one perfect orange slice.

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Imagine creating a lifetime of mystery for someone by breaking into their home and replacing all their family photos with pictures of eggs.


Haha! My mom said I can’t use my phone at the dinner table. I’m a grown…

This is Del’s mom, he’ll be back after he eats his dinner.


*rises out of ball pit* thanks for agreeing to meet me here


Wild horses could easily drag me away from anything, even from my favorite activity. Wild horses are super crazy strong.


No, they’re not called hedge funds because hedgehogs control the global economy. What a silly idea. đŸ™‚

*later to thugs* They know too much.


Walk up in the club like “THIS IS MY JAM” handing out small jars of my homemade raspberry preserves


[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘sarcasm’

“Can you use it in a sentence?”

Ooooo I would love to


*switches the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes*