People who make grand sweeping generalizations are all idiots
Him “I like you”
Me: “Meh, give it five days.
Him: “No I really like you”
Me: “okay. Ten.”
Narrator * It would, in fact, take 4.
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Date Tip: If a date is going well, a series of loud hoots will scare off other suitors
*smashes car through your living room*
Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?
*frantically searches around*
WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS FEELS LIKE ONLY 47 PILLOWS!
Nike is coming out with a line
of Air Brady football shoes.
They have a built in suspension feature.
You just have to let some air out.
this came to me in a vision
Just realized I’ve never “axed” anyone a question in my whole life.
If you give me a hard time about being out of shape I will bury you in a shallow grave. A very, very, shallow grave
Doctor: I’m sorry, I did everything I could.
Grieving Family: We just can’t believe you wasted your time getting a PhD in Philosophy.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?