Pantibros before pantihose?
Him: I’m a champion bull rider, baby. I know how to handle the ride.
Me: All I’m hearing is you last for 8 seconds.
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Him: Favorite animal?
Her: A cross between a panda and beaver because I am lazy but love wood.
Nothing shows more confidence in humanity that a mom with 4 kids in a drive through not checking the order before she pulls away
“What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?”
Well, that’s a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff’s new here
Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying
me: why does no one like me
therapist: [flips through notes] i could give you so many reasons
So, it’s OK if Robert Plant says “I’m gonna give you my love”, but I say it once and have to see HR?
It’s not like I knew my fly was open!
Kids whispering in other room: “Hey do you dare me to…”
How to pick up a girl in a club:
1. Stare at her
2. Walk up to her
3. Shout stuff
World’s Most Dangerous Bees