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@Iennys: Him: ima call you at 11
Me at 11:01: all men do is lie
@rolldiggity: 1. Take dozens of pictures of yourself sleeping.
2. Put them in coworker's drawer.
3. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"
@dlockw21: Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two.
@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
@murrman5: [to psychic gf] the spirits you talk to make fun of me don't they
[she laughs for no reason]
AHHHH *punching the air* FIGHT ME SPIRITS
@HatfieldAnne: Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let’s see what else is lying around first.