Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@CrapLocalNews

Breaking news:

@JasonLastname

Nutella. A delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas.

@Darlainky

Motherhood is the perfect combination of heart swelling pride and “I didn’t sign up for this.”

@CulturedRuffian

When you’re watching Scooby-Doo and the scary part comes on.

@Super_Cynthia

Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.

@fro_vo

Daisy: how are you
Gatsby: great

@cluedont

You don’t fully know your own strength until someone tries to pull you onto a dancefloor against your will.

@SueChainzz

I hate when ppl put group pics on tinder like how am I supposed to know which one’s Bret

@djdarrellripley

Her: You don’t want me to get fat do you?

Me: Get?

@pakalupapito

occupation: the family disappointment