Intel’s responses are magic:
– There’s a design flaw in Intel CPUs.
– Intel: no, they work as designed.
– It allows stealing of passwords.
– Intel: no, it doesn’t corrupt data.
– There are three bugs.
– Intel: we’ve fixed both.
Him: Mmm…you smell like a bakery.
Me: I just ate 14 croissants.
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Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?
All generalizations are stupid.
Get an attack dog, name it Anxiety, laugh and laugh and laugh at Anxiety attacks.
Me with megaphone: “COME DOWN FROM THERE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.”
Man: “I’m fixing your roof tiles, remember?”
Me: “I FORGOT!”
wife: i think we should have children
me: [disappointed] but I wanted pizza
Me: she never tells me anything
Her: He doesn’t listen
Me: that’s bs gimme an example
Her: I’m 8 months pregnant
I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.
Me: [opens door] yes?
Kidnapper: look I know you haven’t paid the ransom yet but-[hands toddler back]
Date: What do you do?
Me *holds up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food