@Freak_N_Geeky

Him: “So, what made you agree to this blind date?”

Me: “I really need to feel something inside me other than my demons.”

Him: “Wait, wh-?”

My demon: “Shush! Let her finish. Can you believe this guy?”

Me: “I know, right?”

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I’m not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!

@freefanaddict

Dentist’s steal teeth for the tooth fairy money. There, I said it.

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@bossy_bootz

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@TheBoydP

I wished I loved anything as much as my wife loves inspecting the pots and pans I wash by hand.