A lot of folks out there missing the point…
Him: So whattayou wanna do?
Her: I dunno
Him: So…You wanna play video games?
Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?
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Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we’ll let you go
Bad Batman: Ben Affleck
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
What we all have in common is how extra stupid we look when we stop everything and focus on removing a stray hair from our tongue.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now…..
I don’t know which meme to get my news from today
I’m wanted (wanted):
People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.
Oh men definitely want to strangle me, just not in a sexy way.
Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven’t bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down.