
A lot of folks out there missing the point…
Him: So whattayou wanna do?
Her: I dunno
Him: So…You wanna play video games?
Her: No!
Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?
A lot of folks out there missing the point…
Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we’ll let you go
Bad Batman: Ben Affleck
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
What we all have in common is how extra stupid we look when we stop everything and focus on removing a stray hair from our tongue.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now…..
I don’t know which meme to get my news from today
I’m a:
?man
?woman
🔘cowboyOn a:
?skateboard
?carpet
🔘steel horseI:
?shred
?fly
🔘rideI’m wanted (wanted):
🔘dead
🔘alive
People need to learn the difference between heroin and heroine. One is exceedingly more difficult to fit into a syringe.
Oh men definitely want to strangle me, just not in a sexy way.
Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven’t bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down.