him: what are u wearing
him: do u want to slip into something more comfortable
me: more comfortable than overalls? wtf
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“Look at me! I’m a ninja!” – 4yo not getting the whole ninja concept yet.
This one time I swallowed a gum and my mom told me that “it stays in your system forever,” so I swallowed a table to stick it under it.
I’d run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.
Just joined one of those Ashley Madison type websites. It’s called Twitter
Dear ladies who wear black tights and red shoes:
Minnie Mouse is not a style icon for grown women.
Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I’m from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101
i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation
The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. – Pets
what idiot named them “in-flight movies” instead of “Jetflix”