How to Be a Librarian:
2. but iSHHHHH
Him: why doesn’t anyone want me?
Me: I want you.
Him: why doesn’t anyone else want me?
You Might Also Like
“I’m here for the blood.”
Hubs sent me this text:
There’s no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful.
Dog: I saw everything, Barbara. Everything!
Barbara: What are you going to do? Take me to court?
A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face
[being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?
The person who seems most upset about my Friends obsession is my daughter, Gunther.
Wife: can you change the baby
Me: oh thank god. I’m so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will
Wife: I don’t mean swap it for a new one
Lady GaGa is easily the scariest of all the Muppets.
Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you’re probably not making it out alive.