We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@jewfacekilla: Him: Would you like to have lunch sometime?
Me: I like to have lunch every afternoon.
@Birdhumms: "Come to me flesh of my flesh".
*embarrassing teenagers is easy.
@stephenjmolloy: Waiter: How did you find your meal, sir?
Me: Yeah, it was nice.
Waiter: That's not what I meant and you know it.
Me: Another waiter told me where you hid it.
@UnFitz: They call it “childbirth” lest anyone think that women give birth to adults or kangaroos.
@better_off_dad: 16: Why do I have to go to college?
Me: It’s the next big step on your journey.
16: My journey where?
Me: Out of this house.
@HarryRamble: I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.