@OneTrickTofani
“GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL”
“Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse”
“Oh rad bring it in”
@Gupton68
Him: Would you like to join our club?
Me: What kind of club?
H: We can’t talk about it.
M: What are the rules?
H: We can’t talk about it.
M: Then why did you ask me to join your club?
H: What club?
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@OneTrickTofani
@IamJackBoot
The great songs ask the eternal questions: Where have all the flowers gone? How can you mend a broken heart? Who let the dogs out?
@jannable9
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
@eliserose5
If you are older than 17 and have mad love for Justin Bieber ,you are the reason whales are the most intelligent species.
@fioses
@Keally22
A vanilla latte w soy milk is technically a 3 bean soup but none of yall are ready to talk about that huh??
@toiletrapist
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I’d probably pick living.
@shariv67
Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can’t figure out how to return it.
@werehedgehog
– How much for the mobile tampon?
– Ma’am?
– It’s a bit big.
– Ma’am, it’s a lamb.
– Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?
@internetluke
GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now.
ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open?
GOD: …