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@SandwichGhoul

THEM: are you willing to take a drug test

ME: my name isn’t test but I’m down

@GingerHotDish

Daughter: Do you think Freddie Mercury and Edgar Allen Poe would get along?

Me: Huh?

Daughter: Cuz he’s just a Poe boy from a Poe family.

@tigersgoroooar

pretty cool how no matter what’s going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.

@daemonic3

[gf comes home after spray tanning]

Hey, orange you looking good!

“Thanks”

Anytime, pumpkin!

“You’re sweet”

You’re one in vermillion!

@jollyrobber

I can tell by the dents & busted tail light on your car you are serious about making this lane change work for you come Hell or high water.

@KyleMcDowell86

Juror:We find the defendant-
*pizza guy bursts in*
“Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty”
Defendant: Im Not Guilty
Judge:NOT GUILTY
*bangs gavel*

@sam_kriss

in marvel’s DEFENDERS, our heroes must combine their powers – being good at punching, punching people well, having strong punches, good punc