THEM: are you willing to take a drug test
ME: my name isn’t test but I’m down
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I don’t know who this is, but he’s made my day.
Daughter: Do you think Freddie Mercury and Edgar Allen Poe would get along?
Daughter: Cuz he’s just a Poe boy from a Poe family.
Me: I am not wearing pants today.
pretty cool how no matter what’s going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.
[gf comes home after spray tanning]
Hey, orange you looking good!
You’re one in vermillion!
I can tell by the dents & busted tail light on your car you are serious about making this lane change work for you come Hell or high water.
Juror:We find the defendant-
*pizza guy bursts in*
“Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty”
Defendant: Im Not Guilty
in marvel’s DEFENDERS, our heroes must combine their powers – being good at punching, punching people well, having strong punches, good punc
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I’m at her place showing her how to open it.