Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp
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Not a headline I thought I’d ever read.
It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it’s the right brand so it doesn’t get the hose again.
I’m starting a security system company that only installs those giant electrical fences in Jurassic Park
Having your stuff stolen is the heist form of flattery
dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like
mcgonagall: so…a magic glass ceiling
dumbledore: [starts sweating]
Don’t give her a Fitbit for Mother’s Day. I repeat, don’t give her a Fitbit for Mother’s Day.
DAD GUIDE ON HOW TO WATCH A MOVIE:
1) put on a movie
2) don’t watch it
3) read a book
4) every time something happens ask what happened
Hypnotist: Let’s go back to your childhood. Where are you now?
Me: I’m watching Golden Girls with my grandmother.
H: Which episode?
M: The one with the dance contest.
H *opening bag of chips*: Go on….