@aaronup

Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp

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@krisv_723

Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.

@madsalsasauce

My brain at 3am – If google stops working how to google what happened to google?

@eleniZarro

them: With great power comes great responsibility

me: *shuts off electricity*

@jergarl

8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight?

Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week.

8: What?

Me: Nothing.

8: I’m telling mom.

@kcmoore51

Me: What are your plans for tonight?

13: Think I’ll hang out with you and mom.

Me: Goddammit…uh I mean that’s great.

@Reverend_Scott

Guys; if she stops responding to your messages for days, 100% of the time it’s a technical problem. Keep trying.

@not_thenanny

“When I said Legos, I meant Roblox, but don’t worry about it. Santa knows what I meant.”

My 4YO, on the evening of December 23rd.

@capnwatsisname

Just because you’ve never met a time traveler doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Those idiots probably all got eaten by dinosaurs

@Contwixt

I love when you look into someone’s eyes and you can just see their face light up because they are some sort of cyborg with face lighting.