Why is everything so sticky?
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to “what would you do if you won the lottery”
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The first rule of elevator club is don’t talk to other members of elevator club.
If at first you don’t succeed, I wouldn’t try bungee jumping.
He went M.I.A.
*Cut to Jim*
? All I wanna do
*bang bang bang bang*
And shoot enemies ?
Honestly Officer, the pharmacy ran out of those orange pill bottles so they just gave it to me in this plastic baggie.
POLICE CHIEF: They call him the copycat killer
ONE OF THE COPS (mocking tone): They call him the copycat killer
[everyone looks at him]
Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.
Remember when we didn’t let Meg Ryan stand up straight for an entire decade?
Me: *searching cabinet
Wife: What are you looking for?
Me: A spouse
Wife: You mean spice
Me: No, just one
Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth.
Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that.
Me: Go home.