*hires a group of teenage girls to giggle every time you walk by*

You Might Also Like


I don’t friendzone people. I relationshipzone them. Want to be friends? Too bad we are dating.


I wore a mask to run errands today

Accidentally robbed a bank


I’ve never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn’t Prime Eligible.


If you want to take a date out for an expensive dinner may I suggest eating at the airport?


There’s no I in team but there is an I in marriage. There’s also ME, AA and RAGE.


Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course.


My kid needs me to help him with a report on any famous black scientist. Can we do Dr. Dre?


INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness?




MY MOTHER: He’s not good at speaking up for himself