teacher: No eating in class
people sitting in the back of the classroom:
how come i dont pee bubbles when i drink Sprite
[hits it again]
ah guess its ok, wouldn’t want a tingly dingus
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When people ask “what do you do” I try to seem normal by saying things like “Walk with my feet. Use water. See things that are there.”
if you ever feel useless, remember someone made a protective cover for Nokia 3310
No one is as glued to any piece of reading material as a parent counting down the songs in the program of a really boring school concert.
HOW TO BECOME A CRAZY CAT LADY:
1) Get a cat.
me: *ringing up 85 boxes of chocolate*
cashier : haha getting ready for Halloween are we?
[before calculus was invented]
me: I understand everything
A smile in Canada is called a smilometre.
People on Twitter trying to one-up you in the comments like:
“Oh, someone close to you died? Well I’m in the process of saying my last wor-“