@JohnLyonTweets

“Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada

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@McClaneJohn2

I stubbed my toe on the foot of the bed and found out I know 5 different languages.

@wickedsuga

You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I’m gonna start performing an exorcism.

@hazelmotes1

Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won’t electrocute them. It will only make them angry

@BangMyBongo

Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology…

She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites

@Fred_Delicious

Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it

@DaHess1

Dear Airlines,

We never really turn the phones off.

Signed,
Everyone

@mommajessiec

My children wanted to name our 2 guinea pigs Guinea and Piggie, so it is a certainty I will have future grandchildren named Girl and Boy.

@Spaziotwat

There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don’t

@jonnysun

i hav cat-like reflexes
“prove it”
*looks at a cat*
(instantly) i like that cat