“Ho ho oh my God I can’t stop giggling!” -Santa Claus, after eating cookies in homes across Canada

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I stubbed my toe on the foot of the bed and found out I know 5 different languages.


You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I’m gonna start performing an exorcism.


Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won’t electrocute them. It will only make them angry


Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology…

She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites


Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it


Dear Airlines,

We never really turn the phones off.



My children wanted to name our 2 guinea pigs Guinea and Piggie, so it is a certainty I will have future grandchildren named Girl and Boy.


There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don’t


i hav cat-like reflexes
“prove it”
*looks at a cat*
(instantly) i like that cat