Golfer: *lining up his shot* what do you think?
Me (first day as a caddy): *reaching for a club* i think you should try your best
Hobos are like cats, they’ll let you pet them until you stop feeding them cat food.
You Might Also Like
[at adoption agency]
“Why do you think you’d be a good fit for adoption?”
*cut to a baby mowing my lawn*
“I just love kids”
me: [slides picture over] my wife needs u to take him out
hitman: is this ur garbage
May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie
I have sychic powers. For example, right now you’re thinking, “it’s psychic.”
I see you have a tattoo that says “Only god can judge me.” Buddy, you’re not gonna believe what im doing right now.
CDC: keep at least 6 feet—
Spiders: GUYS WE GOT THIS
Cats get a pass bc they’re “Cleaning themselves”. Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!
When people’s driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?