My google search history is just 12 different incorrect spellings of the word “restaurant.”
Hold up how is Popeye strong enough to squeeze a metal can of spinach into his mouth BEFORE he’s eaten the spinach
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ARTIST: I charge $50 per limb, because limbs are difficult to draw
ME: How much to draw me from the side?
ARTIST: That’ll cost you an arm and a leg
Auto correct changed naughty with nausea and it was the best decision i ever made in this relationship.
All my friends say that I’m a psychopath. That’s not true, I don’t have any friends.
I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I’d just be dead. Smart kid.
Saying Trump can’t be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can’t be sexist because he married a woman.
The Last Dance just keeps getting better
birds really just be screaming at 5am, go make breakfast damn
what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex