I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.
*holding your xray up to the light and looking at it*
when did you first notice your back hurting?
“after the knife went in”
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serious question: when someone’s telling you a horrible story and they’re crying; how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?
Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?
If you ever find a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich at my house call the police.
St. Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday that’s named after a massacre.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I’m supposed to stop reading the internet.
My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them.
According to some “experts” called “doctors”…
You can wake up without a hangover if you don’t drink the night before.
how I’ve been all holiday
Never underestimate a well placed “that’s what she said”. Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle.