Unfortunately I’ve determined that sucking up is part of human nature because it works and yes my boss DID look very nice today…
*holds a grudge
Grudge: Get off me.
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Strangers have the best candy.
I bought a treadmill because I ran out of closet space for my clothes.
ME: baby, I want to turn eucalyptYOU & eucalyptME into eucalyptUS
HER: you don’t flirt much, do you?
ME: I do not
My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there’s no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it’s ok to bite an opponent.
Today is National Girlfriend’s Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar’s just not ready for that kind of commitment.
two months from now, toilet paper still remains out of stock. the people begin to riot. the charmin bears perch upon their mountain of wealth, watching humanity suffer
finally, the ants are going to rise up and claim their rightful place as masters of this wretched planet