@TheBoydP: *holds in gut when stepping on a scale*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BourbonLuv: I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!
@freypalm: My dad: See, when you said you'd met a "special someone" we thought… Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON.
@PanicRestroom: It's like grandma always said... In a car with a sunroof, you have more room for your legs
@iamburtjarvis: [one tweet gets 10 likes] me: ok i gotta be careful now about what i put on my timeline. i have a successful brand to protect.