Breaking News: Playboy to eliminate nude pictures from their magazine.
“What’s a magazine?” asked every guy under 30.
“Holy infant so tender and mild.”
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Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd.
Honey can you pick up some bananas, melons, peaches, eggplants and clams at the Innuendo Market?
I always assume people with red cars were drunk when they went to the dealership.
“The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk-”
“-actually, you know what, Greg? It’s manners. The first rule is manners.”
Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with “daaaaad I have to peeeeee”
“Statistics show that most shark attacks happen in shallow water.” Really? Maybe cus that’s where the ppl are u idiots.
The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to ‘gamenight’ and she brings Monopoly.
10 bucks says when Dora grows up, she’s gonna be a drug mule.
Self-Congratulatory Civility Between Disagreeing Internet Commenters Honestly Worse Than Fight Would Have Been