@SeiYoung83

“Holy infant so tender and mild.”

-cannibals

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Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd.

@six_2_and_even

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@Ty_Schutz

I always assume people with red cars were drunk when they went to the dealership.

@stephenjmolloy

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@hazelmotes1

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@TuffyNyC

“Statistics show that most shark attacks happen in shallow water.” Really? Maybe cus that’s where the ppl are u idiots.

@68Cly29

The embarrassing moment when you bring handcuffs to ‘gamenight’ and she brings Monopoly.

@TheOnion

Self-Congratulatory Civility Between Disagreeing Internet Commenters Honestly Worse Than Fight Would Have Been