@crushingbort: Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
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@WheelTod: Dating tip for ladies: some guys will be scared off if you don't wait until the third date before asking him to murder your husband.
@ben_rosen: ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 01: so they just bake? ME DURING BRITISH BAKE OFF EPISODE 10: alice better mind the claggy weather if she's to produce a biscuit with a proper snap after disappointing paul with an garish proof on her loa
@AngryRaccoon2: 14: Wanna play a game? 12: Sure! 14: Do an impression of Mom 12: Oh that's easy 14: WITHOUT SWEARING 12: Forget it. The end.
@jordan_stratton: PAROLE BOARD: And what would you do if released? ME: Crimes. PB: Excuse me? ME: *leans into mic* RHYMES. I'M SUPER INTO POETRY NOW.