Therapist: Are you a man or a mouse?
Mickey: Quite frankly, I was hoping you could tell me.
Home Alone 6: Homeland Security – Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!
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I once told my mom that being the youngest child wasn’t so great because I got the least amount of time with her before she dies.
Just to show that my dark side comes from a loving place.
CW: It’s 11:11 make a wish.
Me: I wish I could throw a clock at your face.
-get abducted then hunted by a group of rich guys on a game reserve, then systematically take them out one by one.
Friends with an ex?
I don’t even want to be friends with my friends.
My ex was an absolute treasure.
By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.
*Gets pulled over by cop*
*Cop removes glasses*
*Both start successful trap house*
DON’T TELL ME THAT PLANTS MAKING THEIR OWN FOOD ISNT AMAZING. THATS LIKE YOU GOING TO TACO BELL BUT THE TACOS WERE INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME
I just found that there’s such a thing as a cheese shop and now I’m changing my vacation plans.