@novicefather: "Homie don't fleek doe," I say to a group of teenagers, hoping it means something.
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@ThisOneSayz: Me: they're coming! 911: can you hide? Me: they'll find me!! 911: stay calm Me: the door is opening...help! "Mooom! We want a snack!!"
@darinlovesbacon: If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way
@WhiteVictimacy: Food tastes best when seasoned with the tears of everyone behind you in line as you pay with pennies
@tayandmae: U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good