@YoungNobler

Honestly, I think Bernie Sanders is just angry about email in general. #DemDebate

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@KimMonte10

Starbucks job interview:

“What’s your name?”

“Alyssa”

“Spell that please”

“L A R I S S A”

“When can you start?”

@realHamOnWry

Me: Hey, just got back from a 3 hour walk.

Her: But it’s 20 below zero outside.

Me: I had mitts.

Her: Are you crazy?

Me: No…Canadian.

@just1fool

Coworker:I’ll take care if it.

*Translation*

You’re gonna take care of it. You just don’t know it yet.

@YimsterFife

I woke up with a horse’s head in my bed. And straw. And the rest of the horse’s body. And cows. And a tractor. And this is a barn, I guess.

@wife_housy

My son recovered from his illness while I was filling out all the paperwork in the waiting room.

@sameblacklist

There should be an eBay for evil people so they can purchase evil people stuff without having their motives questioned.