@SadPeruna

Honestly Officer, I do have a few ideas as to why I’d get pulled over, but I’m kind of afraid to tell you. Let’s both say it on 1-2-3, ok?

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@dumbbeezie

The first person to milk a cow was playing a savage game of Truth or Dare

@wolfpupy

i made a promise to myself that if i ever get an island the first thing that i will do is put some dinosaurs on it.

@jjhartinger

ER Dr: What are you doing?
Me: I’m decorating.
ER Dr: Why?
Me: According to my bill I live here now.

@LuvPug

Distance doesn’t matter.
You can make someone miserable from anywhere.

@UncleBob56

Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS?
Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?
N: Yes?
M: I can’t do that.

@yoyoha

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.

@BruceForce

Windows 10? Cool!

Only 85 more versions before we come back to Windows 95

@Kyle_Lippert

A young Bruce Wayne falls into a cave full of pugs. He later becomes Pugman and keeps the streets of Gotham clean and downright adorable.

@smithsara79

You don’t really know true fear until you’re headed to work to teach at a middle school after you tried cutting your own bangs