Honestly Officer, I do have a few ideas as to why I’d get pulled over, but I’m kind of afraid to tell you. Let’s both say it on 1-2-3, ok?

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The first person to milk a cow was playing a savage game of Truth or Dare


i made a promise to myself that if i ever get an island the first thing that i will do is put some dinosaurs on it.


ER Dr: What are you doing?
Me: I’m decorating.
ER Dr: Why?
Me: According to my bill I live here now.


Distance doesn’t matter.
You can make someone miserable from anywhere.


Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS?
Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?
N: Yes?
M: I can’t do that.


Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.


Windows 10? Cool!

Only 85 more versions before we come back to Windows 95


A young Bruce Wayne falls into a cave full of pugs. He later becomes Pugman and keeps the streets of Gotham clean and downright adorable.


You don’t really know true fear until you’re headed to work to teach at a middle school after you tried cutting your own bangs