@six_2_and_even

Honey can you pick up some bananas, melons, peaches, eggplants and clams at the Innuendo Market?

You Might Also Like

@murrman5

[turns to buddy just before bar fight]
“I’ll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja”

@TheAverageShark

Swim swim swim breach surface fly through air catch seagull swim nom nom nom swim swim

@GorillaNipples1

Me: You touched my heart.

Cardiologist: You’re not supposed to be awake, but thanks. LOL

@caitiedelaney

Can anyone explain what’s happening in front of my house none of these belong to me

@LMHPhotog

There are rumours floating around that Canada’s Prime Minister isn’t a nice guy.

They’re not Trudeau.

@recoveringbapti

I would like to see more realistic math problems in schools cause there ain’t no way some kid has 75 melons without stealing a produce truck

@Just__J0

“I’ll never understand why people can’t sleep with a closet door open” I say while making sure my feet don’t hang over the side of the bed.

@angibangie

Him: I love nerd girls

Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can’t feel water, only a change in temperature?

Him: no. not like that.

@punmagnate

“Name?” queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs.

@frogshack

[watching Jaws]

Me: Which ones Jaws

Girlfriend: Who do u think?

Me: (noticing all of the characters so far have jaws) Idk its hard 2 tell