@PinkCamoTO: Honey, why do these IKEA sofa instructions show a hammer, two allen keys and a divorce lawyer's office?
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@LinajkReturns: Before you unleash her inner goddess, try to find out if she's channeling Aphrodite or Medusa.
@rudy_mustang: Genie: you have three wishes Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000 Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000
@AllyBallyBeal: Guy across the road can't get his truck started. Now he's rolled up his sleeves. That's how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves.
@NewDadNotes: Boss: who wants to practice public speaking? Me: can I go? Boss: of course. Me: [goes home]