Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.

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15: what do you risk becoming from taking drugs….

Me: …addicted

15: what do you risk becoming from smoking cigarettes…

Me: …addicted

15: what smacked you in the face last night?

Me: …go to your room


I just said “haha omg I love your ugly sweater!” to my CW knowing full well it’s just one of her normal sweaters.


Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you…


my cousin went to pride years ago and threw up on someone on a ferris wheel- fast forward 10 years, him and his husband were talking about pride and his husband told him a story about when he was thrown up on at pride- my cousin threw up on his husband 5 years before they met


We operate by one simple rule: if you smell it and you think it’s gone bad, I believe you. Further testing (by me) is unnecessary.


Eastern Europe – 1989

“If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive”


I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling “Wilbur, you include your brother!”


ICE Cold Fact: If somebody owes you money… Put on your mask and pop up at their crib right now… They’re Home.