@Jandalize: Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: I was named after my grandfather. Me: Of course you were, he was born first.
@andlikelaura: Darth Vader: I killed three whole planets. Thanos: I killed half the universe. Voldemort: I uhh...almost killed this one kid like 7 times. Everyone: Voldemort: *shakes head sadly* stupid mother’s love.
@Darlainky: I thought I was smooth, sneaking away from my date to watch a YouTube tutorial on chopsticks, but all he did was ask in horror why I took my chopsticks into the bathroom.
@jellybnbonanza: When someone asks me if I can do them a “solid”, I always answer with “my pleasure” before heading to the bathroom.