horse: [driving in a car past people in a field] PEOPLE!

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Baby Soldier: Ma’am. Your husband is MIA.

Soldiers wife: *covers crying face with hands*

Baby Soldier: Oh great! Now his wife is MIA too.


This tweet has been brought to you by…

…Stay Free Maxi-pads…

…When your uterine lining looks like the elevator from The Shining.


[Texting with husband]

Him: I hate when you correct me and make feel like an idiot. Your lucky I love you so much

Me: awwww *you’re


I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.


Note to Self: In future interviews, don’t say “Safe in your strong arms” when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.


Being a mother is truly a gift. My son surprised me by stopping in to visit yesterday. Last night when I went to watch TV, I no longer had one.


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a dog that plays ping pong


me: do you want to play some ps4?

frenchman: oui

me: no we only have the playstation


“removed the top of my desk for cleaning. cat did not understand”