@samir: horse: is ur name liam
liam neeson: yea?
horse: lol i know u we worked together on a different movie
liam neeson: does anybody else hear this horse talking to me
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@PleaseBeGneiss: ME: my stomach hurts STOMACH: you ate too much ME: maybe I need something to settle it down STOMACH: no ME: but what? STOMACH: nothing ME: maybe something carbonated STOMACH: pepto bismol ME: yes a beer
@ClichedOut: My dog walking company has terrible reviews and I'm being sued. My garage full of dogs is totally worth it.
@karanbirtinna: God: *creates sunset* Angel: That's beautiful. What purpose does it solve? God: *creating Instagram* You'll see.
@TigNotaro: {God inventing turtles} What if a lizard had social anxiety?
@Boleyngirly: Fine. I'll rush you to the hospital, but then we're doing what I want.
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