At this point most of the hugs I’m involved in are just my kids using me as a napkin.
[horse walks into a bar]
Bartender: Why the long face?
H: The world is spiraling down the crapper.
BT: You’re supposed to say-
H: Just pour.
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ME: omg there’s a wolf
ME: no the regular kind
Find someone who looks at you,
I think that’s a pretty good start.
*Buys bat for home security
*it flies away
Being dumb is hard.
idea: business cards that just say NO
Sir can I have 5 mins of ur [card]
Girl can I get ur number [card]
BRO DID U STEAL MY NO CARDS [card]
Considering how much I don’t wash my hair, I’m basically an environmentalist.
why are we mad at Beyonce for cultural appropriation when we could be mad that she made us listen to a Coldplay song?
my 14 year old sister posted on snap “sucks to see someone else enjoying the man you built” LMAO
No officer,YOU`RE going the wrong way.