
Jennifer on Facebook hates being sick.
Really Jennifer? Most people love it.
*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into a bar*
*horse walks into an optometrist*
Horse: Holy shit please help me
Jennifer on Facebook hates being sick.
Really Jennifer? Most people love it.
Why should I have to stop talking about my ex, a relationship that ended a mere year ago, when Hollywood won’t stop making movies about world war 2, a war that ended like 20 years ago?
no one warned me parenting would include being held hostage until I find an acceptable answer to what unicorns eat
Wife: Hey *waking me up* you got really drunk last night
Me: You can’t prove that
Taco Bell employee: No we can
“But she’s hot and not really that crazy”
~men about to have their bunny boiled
Are we sure this new planet isn’t just Pluto wearing a wig?
The scene from The Exorcist where she’s tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it’s me when getting a Brazilian.
I needed some gas for my mower so I snuck over to my neighbor’s shed, on the gas can there was a note that said it’s empty go get your own gas Marc. So I took his mower instead.
A boycott is just a smaller version of a manbed.
Ever look up at a star and wonder if someone else in the world is outside, staring at that same star while waiting for their french bread pizza to cook?