horses don’t know when they’re acting in a period drama. they just woke up one day and all their friends showed up in stupid outfits.

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You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you’re never coming back? That’s how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning.


mom, dad i’d like you to meet someone, this is hornyboy12 he slid into my DMs to tell me he’s in love with me based on the highly curated version of myself i present online we’re gonna get married


The second world war should have been called world war returns


Wow howl of winter 😍😍


I just got catcalled by a construction worker. He said “hey hEY HEY THAT CEMENT ISNT DRY YET” I’m tired of being harassed like this.


Cop: looks like you’re wearing a seatbelt

Me: safety first 🙂

Cop: ok *closes port-a-potty door*



My husband: It just seems like we’re really far apart.

Me (on my walkie talkie in the parking lot): You have to say “over”.